DEALING WITH ANXIETY - ONE OF THE GREATEST ENEMIES OF JOYFUL PARENTING

DEALING WITH ANXIETY - ONE OF THE GREATEST ENEMIES OF JOYFUL PARENTING

The joy that a new mother feels when she holds her baby in her hands for the first time is nothing short of indescribable. For most new mothers the beginning of the parenting journey is filled with great joy and beautiful expectations but over time the pressure of making sure that everything goes fine with our babies overwhelms some of us with great anxiety and robs us of the joy of parenting

This was the case with me until I decided to be very intentional in dealing with anxiety

My last pregnancy was difficult and high-risk. My doctors were on high alert and had scheduled me to have a cesarean birth after having undergone three previous C-sections and losing one baby in the process. It was a set of twins.

The babies were so sick after delivery that we had to remain in the hospital for more than one month.

Eventually, we were discharged and one would have thought that I would be more relaxed but no! The anxiety only increased. I kept thinking that something would go wrong, and now and then something always did go wrong – in my head that is. I was always so anxious that there was hardly a week that went by without me discovering something that will cause me to worry.

One morning I noticed that my two-month-old son had his pupils looking dilated and the iris always seemed to move downwards. I quickly searched google for an answer.

Google’s answer – my son has sunset eye syndrome, a phenomenon consisting of upward-gaze paresis in which case the eye appears driven downwards. More bad news – this condition is usually an indication of hydrocephalus (a situation where fluid is accumulated in the brain and can cause brain damage) and is associated with irritability, persistent vomiting, and other symptoms.

                                               

My panic button was activated. I became so worried that I started losing sleep and having constant headaches. When I visited the pediatrician and told her that my son has “sunset eye syndrome” she gave me a shocked look that made me feel very silly and then burst into laughter which even made me feel sillier. 

 She said “Ma’am, how did come to this conclusion? Please leave Google alone, what you are worried about is nonexistent. Your son is perfectly ok. Some babies’ eyes are like this after birth, and after a while, they gain full-eye coordination. Just take your baby home”.

I was greatly relieved but felt silly all the same.

As I went home, I remembered the many times I had panicked about things that were not an issue, spent weeks worrying about nothing, and queried google with questions like “Can my baby choke on breastmilk? How do I know if my baby’s brain is damaged? Is my baby breathing too fast or too slow?” etc.

I also remembered other times when I had feared the worst; like the time when I didn’t feel my baby’s movement in my womb for a whole day and thought the baby was dead, or when my baby didn’t poop for 2 days and I thought her intestine was blocked and when my first daughter fell off the bed and I thought her brain had damaged.

The words of the female pediatrician, struck me again as I journeyed home, “what you are worried about is nonexistent”. I learnt a valuable lesson that day- Anxiety robs you of the joy of motherhood.

Over the next couple of months, I intentionally took some very vital steps that really helped me to worry less and enjoy the different phases of my babies’ growth and development.

I am well aware that some mothers, especially first-time mothers also experience a great deal of anxiety so I will share some of the steps I took that helped me:

   Ø  Get informed and increase your knowledge base. Ignorance is usually the main cause of panic and anxiety. So read books on parenting and child development, watch videos, and acquire other learning resources. Remember that knowledge empowers.

                                             

   Ø  Work on your emotions: calmness is a vital tool in parenting- it helps you stay in control of things. Even when you feel that there is something wrong with your baby, try and remain calm because worrying won’t change anything.

   Ø  Have an optimistic outlook. Always believe that everything will be fine. The mind empowers positive outcomes

                                                            

   Ø  Don’t ignore your motherly intuition but don’t be crippled by it. If you have a gut feeling or even a slight feeling that something is wrong with your baby, don’t trivialize it however don’t allow yourself to be consumed by worry.

   Ø  Believe in yourself. You are doing well even when sometimes it doesn’t seem like you are doing enough. Cut yourself some slack, relax, and enjoy every phase of your baby’s growth. Remember you are on a journey and every journey has its twists, turns, and bumps. Just encourage yourself to trust the process.

   Ø  Get involved in other self-care activities. Take walks, visit friends, swim if you feel up to it, just do anything that helps you to reduce stress.

                                              

   Ø  Get a network of support from other mothers, especially those who have raised older kids.

   Ø  Also get support from your spouse. Let him know of your struggles and request that he supports you in areas where you need help.

   Ø  Allow the past to stay in the past. A lot of time we worry because we have been through some very terrible ordeal in the past and then we keep reliving those experiences, fearing that they might reoccur. Tell yourself that your experience with baby A will be different from that of baby B.

   Ø  Talk to your pediatrician or any other professional who can help with your concerns.

                
                               

Parenting is hard enough, so getting rid of the anxiety baggage will surely make it easier. All the best

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