DEALING WITH ANXIETY - ONE OF THE GREATEST ENEMIES OF JOYFUL PARENTING

DEALING WITH ANXIETY - ONE OF THE GREATEST ENEMIES OF JOYFUL PARENTING

The joy that a new mother feels when she holds her baby in her hands for the first time is nothing short of indescribable. For most new mothers the beginning of the parenting journey is filled with great joy and beautiful expectations but over time the pressure of making sure that everything goes fine with our babies overwhelms some of us with great anxiety and robs us of the joy of parenting

This was the case with me until I decided to be very intentional in dealing with anxiety

My last pregnancy was difficult and high-risk. My doctors were on high alert and had scheduled me to have a cesarean birth after having undergone three previous C-sections and losing one baby in the process. It was a set of twins.

The babies were so sick after delivery that we had to remain in the hospital for more than one month.

Eventually, we were discharged and one would have thought that I would be more relaxed but no! The anxiety only increased. I kept thinking that something would go wrong, and now and then something always did go wrong – in my head that is. I was always so anxious that there was hardly a week that went by without me discovering something that will cause me to worry.

One morning I noticed that my two-month-old son had his pupils looking dilated and the iris always seemed to move downwards. I quickly searched google for an answer.

Google’s answer – my son has sunset eye syndrome, a phenomenon consisting of upward-gaze paresis in which case the eye appears driven downwards. More bad news – this condition is usually an indication of hydrocephalus (a situation where fluid is accumulated in the brain and can cause brain damage) and is associated with irritability, persistent vomiting, and other symptoms.

                                               

My panic button was activated. I became so worried that I started losing sleep and having constant headaches. When I visited the pediatrician and told her that my son has “sunset eye syndrome” she gave me a shocked look that made me feel very silly and then burst into laughter which even made me feel sillier. 

 She said “Ma’am, how did come to this conclusion? Please leave Google alone, what you are worried about is nonexistent. Your son is perfectly ok. Some babies’ eyes are like this after birth, and after a while, they gain full-eye coordination. Just take your baby home”.

I was greatly relieved but felt silly all the same.

As I went home, I remembered the many times I had panicked about things that were not an issue, spent weeks worrying about nothing, and queried google with questions like “Can my baby choke on breastmilk? How do I know if my baby’s brain is damaged? Is my baby breathing too fast or too slow?” etc.

I also remembered other times when I had feared the worst; like the time when I didn’t feel my baby’s movement in my womb for a whole day and thought the baby was dead, or when my baby didn’t poop for 2 days and I thought her intestine was blocked and when my first daughter fell off the bed and I thought her brain had damaged.

The words of the female pediatrician, struck me again as I journeyed home, “what you are worried about is nonexistent”. I learnt a valuable lesson that day- Anxiety robs you of the joy of motherhood.

Over the next couple of months, I intentionally took some very vital steps that really helped me to worry less and enjoy the different phases of my babies’ growth and development.

I am well aware that some mothers, especially first-time mothers also experience a great deal of anxiety so I will share some of the steps I took that helped me:

   Ø  Get informed and increase your knowledge base. Ignorance is usually the main cause of panic and anxiety. So read books on parenting and child development, watch videos, and acquire other learning resources. Remember that knowledge empowers.

                                             

   Ø  Work on your emotions: calmness is a vital tool in parenting- it helps you stay in control of things. Even when you feel that there is something wrong with your baby, try and remain calm because worrying won’t change anything.

   Ø  Have an optimistic outlook. Always believe that everything will be fine. The mind empowers positive outcomes

                                                            

   Ø  Don’t ignore your motherly intuition but don’t be crippled by it. If you have a gut feeling or even a slight feeling that something is wrong with your baby, don’t trivialize it however don’t allow yourself to be consumed by worry.

   Ø  Believe in yourself. You are doing well even when sometimes it doesn’t seem like you are doing enough. Cut yourself some slack, relax, and enjoy every phase of your baby’s growth. Remember you are on a journey and every journey has its twists, turns, and bumps. Just encourage yourself to trust the process.

   Ø  Get involved in other self-care activities. Take walks, visit friends, swim if you feel up to it, just do anything that helps you to reduce stress.

                                              

   Ø  Get a network of support from other mothers, especially those who have raised older kids.

   Ø  Also get support from your spouse. Let him know of your struggles and request that he supports you in areas where you need help.

   Ø  Allow the past to stay in the past. A lot of time we worry because we have been through some very terrible ordeal in the past and then we keep reliving those experiences, fearing that they might reoccur. Tell yourself that your experience with baby A will be different from that of baby B.

   Ø  Talk to your pediatrician or any other professional who can help with your concerns.

                
                               

Parenting is hard enough, so getting rid of the anxiety baggage will surely make it easier. All the best

 Did you get value, please drop a comment, like this post, and share it on your platforms. Remember I love you.

IS YOUR TEEN READY TO OWN A PHONE?

 

The cellphone is fast becoming a source of addiction for teenagers. This is quite sad, considering that a lot of teenagers do not fully understand the inherent danger associated with inappropriate phone usage. I shared a post about "My tween being ready or not to own a cellphone" in an international magazine (based in the USA) that focuses on providing insightful resources for parents of teens. It's an enriching essay and I would love for you to read it.

Click the link below to read it:

https://yourteenmag.com/technology/no-first-cell-phone 

Richness in Culture and Diversity: The Symbolic Naming Ceremony of the Yoruba People

                                                      Yoruba Naming Ceremony

Richness in Culture and Diversity: The Symbolic Naming Ceremony of the Yoruba People.

What do you know about the Yoruba people? A group of people with unique peculiarities and an interesting way of life. The Yoruba people make up one of the three largest ethnic groups in Nigeria and occupy the southwest region of the country. They are acclaimed to be of Oduduwa descent. They are people of rich cultural heritage who pride themselves in their organized, structural, and systemic existence, and their deep reverence for their culture, the elderly, kingship, and divinity.

Young Yoruba Boys Prostrating As A Sign Of Respect For 

The Elderly

They are very intelligent, largely accommodating, and very peaceful.

They are also very religious people with a deep-rooted reverence for their hierarchical deities although today so many of them are Christians and Muslims. Their culture of deep reverential worship and honour is still very much evident no matter the worship method they practice.

They are majorly farmers, weavers, blacksmiths, wood carvers, and craftsmen.

They are a people given to folklore, songs, dances, symbols, myths, and proverbs which are filled with insightful meaning and associated with so many ceremonies.

                                           

                                                  Rich Yoruba Cultural Dance

It is one of those important and symbolic ceremonies that this post is about.

I recently learned something quite interesting about the Yoruba naming ceremony.  One might be tempted to argue about the relevance of the practice or refute the idea that it has any significant bearing on the life of the child, however, I want to state that the purpose of this post is not to argue about the people’s cultural beliefs and heritage but to showcase a practice I find quite interesting and I dare say beautiful.

The Yoruba people are big on naming ceremonies (Christening) of their newborns. They believe so much in “The Naming” of a child because they believe that the name of a child has a significant bearing on the outcome of the child’s existence, which is why they choose well-thought-out names for the newborn and the ceremony is conducted on the 7^th day. According to their culture, the name a child bears is the child’s identity.

The ceremony usually has close family members and friends in attendance and is presided over by either an Ifa Priest, an elder in the family, a pastor, or an imam, depending on the religious faith or preference of the child’s parents.

Some symbolic items are presented on the day of the naming. Before now these items are placed on the tongue of the child but in recent times, for health reasons, they are placed on the tongue of the mother who receives them for her child. Family members (Grandparents, Parents, Uncles, and aunts) and distinguished guests each lift the items and make a symbolic pronouncement that is associated with the items on the child. Let’s look at the items presented.

     1.       Honey (Oyin)/ Sugar: Honey is generally regarded as a sweetener which symbolizes that the child will experience a sweet life.

         

                                      Honey                                                          Sugar

     2.       Kolanut (Obi): A portion of the Kolanut is bitten off, chewed, and spat out. This act symbolizes that just as the kola nut is chewed and spat away, no evil or bitterness will ever find its way into the child’s life.

                                          

                                                                         Kola nut

     3.       Pepper (Ata): The red habanero pepper contains a lot of seeds within it so its presentation symbolizes that the child will lead a fruitful life and have many offspring.

                                     

                                                          Habanero Pepper

     4.       Dried fish (Eja): The fish lives in its natural environment which is the water and no matter how turbulent the water gets, the fish is always able to navigate its way through the water and survive. This symbolizes that the child will never be overcome or overwhelmed by life challenges but he will remain victorious.

                                         

                                                                Dried Catfish

     5.       Salt (Iyo): Salt is used to flavor food to make it tasty. It also serves as a preservative of valuable food items. The symbolism of presenting salt in the naming of the child is that the child’s life will be full of beautiful flavor and the child will be a preserver of important and valuable things.

                                      

                                                                          Salt

     6.       Water (Omi): water has no enemy as it is needed by everyone for survival. The symbolism is that just as water has no enemy, the child will not have enemies and his growth and prosperity in life will not be hindered.

                                         

                                                                        Water

     7.       Palm Oil (Epo): Palm Oil is presented because generally it is used as a lubricant and also to smoothen the body. This symbolizes that the child will have a smooth and easy life free of crisis.

                                      

                                                                     Palm Oil

     8.       Bitter Kola (Orogbo): Bitter Kola has the property of being long-lasting and for the child, it symbolizes that the child will have a long flourishing life. 

                                             

                                                                             Bitter Kola

When all these have been presented, then the child is prayed for and the merriment begins. There is usually so much to eat and drink and then the partying, singing and dancing kick off in full swing.

Did you find this information interesting like I did? Please drop a comment and share some other cultural ceremonies associated with children that the Yoruba people practice. You can also share those of other ethnicities, I will love to hear from you.

Life Lessons Mother-Quail Taught Me

                                                           Quail Bird and Her Chicks

Life Lessons Mother-Quail Taught Me

My mum recently shared a folklore about the bird – Quail with me that I found quite interesting and instructive.

I was having a discussion with her about the state of things in the country, how people were being affected by economic challenges, and the need for people to make adjustments when she cut in and said “I will tell you a story about Okwa” for that is what the Igbo people call the Quail bird.

She told me that the Quail bird likes eating yam and once upon a time there was a famine, crops became scarce, farmers barely had enough to feed their families talk less of having what to leave out in the field for animals to feed on.

At this time, the Quail and her chicks were hungry and the baby birds kept crying and making demands for food. When Mother–Quail couldn’t bear it any longer she told them to follow her so that they can go and search for food. They searched from field to field and found nothing. All they saw were yam shoots that were cut off from yam tubers. Not wanting her babies to die of hunger, she told them to start feeding on the shoots. They took the first bites, it tasted strange and felt unfamiliar and they were reluctant to take another bite but she encouraged them to take more bites and more bites until they were filled. Before they left for home, she told them that going forward, even when the famine is over and the land is abundant, the yam shoot will form part of their diet. She said the baby quails must eat both yam tubers and yam shoots so that whenever it so happens that they can’t find yam tubers, they would have an alternative -yam shoots to feed on and not die of hunger.

I laughed so hard at this story but at the same time, it got me thinking of how wise mother Quail’s instruction was and how applicable it is in today’s parenting.

I began to think about how we are raising “bread and butter” children who will not be able to thrive in their world. Children who are so used to a certain kind of lifestyle, that if the environmental indices were altered they will not be able to adapt to the change.  Children who are overly entitled, highly dependent, and grossly irresponsible all because we keep shielding them from the challenges of life. Thoughts started forming in my mind and I decided to share.

   1.       Allowing my kids to take the public transport system or even trek some distance on their way to school does not mean I am a wicked or cruel mother or that we are poor, it is a way of equipping them for a day when the family car won’t be available to take them from the house to school and they will have to navigate their way to school effortlessly. I hear someone saying “it cannot be my portion, I have enough money to last ten generations, and my children will never experience a day when they do not have access to a car”. That statement is quite ludicrous I must say because, during the war between Russia and Ukraine, I heard a story of a Nigerian university undergraduate who got trapped in Ukraine because he couldn’t trek while other students had escaped to neighbouring cities and some had even gotten to the border. He was from a wealthy family back home, and he probably owned a car, but life happened, war happened and the life skills he needed to have learned were not available to see him through. Children must be made to learn that no matter the level of comfort they have access to in life, life can happen and that comfort won’t be accessible anymore and they must be equipped to cope.

         2.       Teaching and allowing my 10-year-old to cook is not a sign that I am lazy, it is so that when life presents any of its eventualities and I am not available to make her meal, she will be able to make her meals and not go hungry (Mother Quail taught her baby quails how to take responsibility for their survival. If you want something, you have to go for it. Life was not designed or programmed to have all your wants and needs delivered to you, if you want something you have to go for it.

         3.       Making all their requests available to them and not requesting them to accept what is available is not an indication of my endless love for them rather it is me ignorantly grooming entitled children. Children must be made to understand that they cannot get everything they want, whenever they want it, all the time. They should learn to be okay with “No”, “Wait” or “You can have something else” responses (The Quail chicks wanted yam tubers but rather than break her head looking for yam tubers the mother Quail requested that they eat the yam shoot which was available at the time)

         4.       Doing everything for my kids and not letting them do stuff for themselves even if they can’t do it perfectly is me setting them up to become failures in life. Children should be allowed to do things for themselves and by themselves. It is in the process of attempting things that they build skills, grit, expertise, confidence, and even the emotional control that comes with dealing with failure because sometimes they will fail in the process. However, they should be made to know that the word “FAIL” means First Attempt In Learning. So they will make other attempts and in the long run, they will gain mastery and expertise.  (Mother quail said follow me let us go and search for food. She made them go out with her to learn how to search for their own food because she knew that a day will come when she will be too old, too tired, or even dead and can’t join them to search for food, then they should be able to take charge and fend for themselves).

         5.       Realizing the error of my ways and putting measures in place to ensure that my kids are well equipped to face the life out there is WISDOM. (Mother quail realized that it wasn’t right for her not to have introduced the eating of yam shoot to her children because the yam tubers were always available, so she corrected her errors by telling them that from that day onwards, even when the famine is no more and yam tubers were available, they will still eat yam shoots as undesirable as it was for them so that when life throws another episode of the challenge at them, they won’t struggle with eating yam shoots.)

Children should have a taste of comfort and discomfort, plenty and lack, rest and hard work so that when life happens they will pull through. Life skills are acquired on the platform of inconvenience and pain. Little wonder the saying “No pain, No gain”.

Did you learn any lesson today, please share with me. The lessons that mother quail taught me, might not have been exhausted, did mother quail teach you any lessons, please share them with me.

Also if you are like mother quail and you want to embark on the process of skilling up your kids and setting them up for success, my first recommendation is for you to consider joining The Intentional Parent Academy by Coach Wendy Ologe and I promise you it will be a game changer for you. Let me know if you want more information on the parenting academy and I will be ever ready to give it.

SELF-MONITORING AS AN EXECUTIVE FUNCTIONING SKILL – Working On Who I Am to Become Who I Should Be.

 

SELF-MONITORING AS AN EXECUTIVE FUNCTIONING SKILL – Working On Who I Am to Become Who I Should Be.

Do you find yourself encountering some people in places like an event or workplace and you keep wondering and asking yourself if these people are aware of how offensive their behaviour is because you just can’t believe that someone can give off so much unpleasantness and not care a hoot about what others think. Well, I have and truth be told, it’s so difficult working or relating with such people. Human beings are social beings and we are supposed to modify our behaviours in such a way that others are accommodated in our social space. This modification is what self-monitoring is all about.

 

WHAT IS SELF-MONITORING?

Self-monitoring refers to one’s ability to monitor overall body presentation, the way he carries himself, behaves, thinks, talks, acts and relates with others. It also involves one’s control over his emotions and adjusting them to suit the environment where one is. One needs to engage in self-monitoring as it promotes self-awareness. You can identify your strengths and weaknesses and are better equipped to navigate your environment.

The concept of self-monitoring was developed by the Psychologist Mark Snyder in the 1970s and he divided self-monitoring into 2

a.       Acquisitive self-monitoring: this is usually exhibited by people who monitor and modify their behaviours just so they can get something from others.

b.      Protective Self-monitoring: this is usually practised by those who monitor and modify their behaviours because they don’t want to get rejected by the people around them. The main motivation for this type of self-monitoring is the fear of shame and rejection.

Self-monitoring is very important but if not properly used it can become unproductive and damaging. When it is done excessively, it can lead to someone developing a people-pleasing attitude and oftentimes such a person allows their opinion and ideologies to be overridden even when their ideas are valid and superior. However, when there is a lack of it, you end up seeing someone who tramples upon other people’s opinions and does anything they like the way they like it without giving a second thought about how their actions make other people feel. Such people make their environment toxic without as much of a bother and they don’t make any effort to adjust to accommodate others.

There is usually a thin line between excessive self-monitoring and the lack of self-monitoring, and being able to attain a balanced scale of self-monitoring is the key to utilizing self-monitoring to achieve great results

 

Importance of Self-Monitoring.

      1.       It promotes self-awareness, helping one identify unpleasant behaviours and attitudes that they possess and work towards stopping them.

      2.       It helps children build a higher sense of independence because they can identify on their own when they go out of line and immediately check themselves without adult intervention.

      3.       It will help a child build social skills, because when you can identify faults that turn people off about you and work on them, then you are better able to maintain and build relationships.

      4.       It also helps one understand their triggers ( the things that make them act out of control or out of order ) and then put measures in place to manage those triggers.

      5.       Self-monitoring helps you to set a target goal for desirable outcomes and check your progress

      6.       It improves mental well-being. Some behavioural traits pose a challenge to the individual’s mental well-being, so identifying and modifying that behaviour will ease the mental stress that the behaviour has put on the person.

      7.       It also improves productivity. It helps one understand their periods of highest energy levels and this awareness helps one channel their energy productively. For instance, some people are more alert at certain times of the day than others, so when you monitor yourself, you become more self-aware and then you will make an effort to utilize your high alert periods for your most important task for the day and this will boost productivity.

 

How Can I Teach My Children Self-Monitoring?

      1.       If a child can’t read, you teach the child how to read, so when a child can't self-monitor, you teach the child self-monitoring. The first step is to find the most appropriate time (a time when the child is most receptive) and introduce the concept of self-monitoring to your child. Let them know what it is, and why they need to engage in it before you then introduce self-monitoring tools to them.

      2.       Identify the behaviours to self-monitor with the child. It could be fit of anger, excessive screen time, impoliteness, brash talking, improving body exercise etc. any target behaviour.

      3.       Work your child through gaining an understanding of where he currently is and why he is there and then let him know what the projections are. Make sure that you can get your kids on board. They must key into the self-monitoring program you are setting up for them for it to succeed.

      4.       Model acceptable behaviours to your kids.

      5.       You can have family sessions where you talk about the challenges and then role-play the acceptable behaviours. For instance, if you want to achieve appropriate social skills and efficient conflict resolution skills, then you can act out an incident where you will be provoked and then present the appropriate way to handle and resolve the situation.

      6.       Introduce self-monitoring tools like behaviour charts. If for instance, the goal is to improve their reading skills, by reading for certain hours daily without distraction. You can set up a daily chart that will help monitor compliance with the strategy put in place. In this instance, a chart to record the amount of time spent reading daily can be used. So during the assessment time, the amount of time spent daily on that activity is reviewed to see if there is progress or not. Other self-monitoring tools include journals, visual aids, self-affirmations, reminder stick-it notes etc.

      7.       Creating a list of “do this, don’t do that” can help. So you can develop a list that highlights what to do and what not to do when a child is presented with challenging situations that trigger him to act inappropriately.

Y.    8.         Don’t focus on modifying too many behaviours at a time. 2 behaviours for a start are ideal. You can get some free behaviour modification charts online

      9.       Set SMART goals. (For the goals you want to achieve it must be Specific- the goal must be spelt out and the outcomes understood, Measurable- you must be able to have measures in place to tell whether you are making progress, Attainable – it must be doable for the participant in question, Relevant- the goal must contribute to the child’s overall well-being and purpose, and finally, Time-bound- the time frame within which the behaviour should have been modified and measured must be stipulated)

     10.   Evaluate the progress and celebrate successes and wins with your child.

Conclusion

Self-monitoring is a vital executive functioning skill. If you want to learn more about the other executive functioning skill, read it here.

It is not age bound and everyone needs to engage in self-monitoring as this will help such an individual to improve upon himself and become a better version of himself

Did you get any value, please drop a comment, suggestion or question, I will be glad to hear from you.

GOAL-MOTIVATED PERSEVERANCE: The Mindset of Winners Who Don’t Quit.

GOAL-MOTIVATED PERSEVERANCE: The Mindset of Winners Who Don’t Quit.

Do you give a second thought to the popular quote “Winners don’t quit and quitters don’t win” whenever you hear it? I do and you should too. From world history, you can see that one trait that is common to every world changer is the fact that they never gave up on what they believed in. They stayed focused on the pursuit of their goals and aspirations even when it became tough and never gave up. This trait is admirable but I must say it doesn’t come cheap. It requires a lot of patience and hard work to develop the skill of Goal motivated Perseverance that is needed to see things through no matter what.

What Is Goal Motivated Perseverance?

Goal-motivated Perseverance is a skill that helps to ensure that one stays on an initiated task with commitment and dedication while shunning any other distraction to bring it to completion even if the task gets very difficult. Starting a task is not enough, one needs to stay on the task and see to its conclusion. Goal-motivated perseverance is one of the life skills that make up executive functioning skills, you can read more about it here

Your 8-year-old goes all excited about learning how to play the piano and you are happy too because you have always wanted her to learn a musical instrument and less than two weeks into the training, she tells you that she can’t go on with the training. Her excuses could range from, “it’s too difficult” to “it’s too boring” or “it’s not my passion” or “all my friends are playing the violin”. You are disappointed because you know that all these excuses are just excuses and are not tenable. It is even more disappointing for you when you identify a pattern with her and realize that she is more of a starter and never a finisher. The nagging question on your mind is “How will she ever succeed at anything in life when she hardly ever sees anything worthwhile through to the end”.

Success in life requires commitment, determination, grit, and most importantly perseverance.

Perseverance is important to your children for the following reasons.

a.       It helps your child set goals (academic, spiritual, health, and life goals) and achieves them

b.      It also helps your child to never stay defeated or discouraged even when he fails and  

 when he encounters a difficult subject/topic or any other project he won’t abandon ship and run off rather he will stay on it until he understands it and gets a hold of it. He won’t take the easy way out but rather will himself through the process and succeed.

c.       It enhances the ability of the child to be successful. This promotes healthy self-esteem and a huge level of self-worth.

 

How to help your child build perseverance

1.       Model it. Let your child know and see that you are not a quitter. Introduce slogans, songs, and mantras like “we finish what we start”, “winners never quit and quitters never win, I keep trying until I succeed, I am an overcomer, I focus on my goal, etc.  And encourage them to personalize it

2.       Share stories and read books of greatly successful people who beat great odds to succeed in their various fields of endeavour. (Dr. Ben Carson, President Nelson Mandela, Malala Yousafzai, Michael Jordan, Tobi Amusan, etc.) You can also have discussions centering on perseverance using nature-based stories or movies

3.       You can ask them to write creative or imaginative stories. In the course of writing the urge to quit writing midway into the exercise will come up, but the ability to continue and finish the story helps them to build perseverance.

4.       Set up a mentorship system and encourage them to be a part of it. This mentor should be older and must be known to possess a high level of the skill (perseverance) you are trying to build in your child.

5.       Always reward their ability to finish tasks and accomplish goals. These rewards could be verbal praise and recommendation, gifts, treats, or even monetary rewards. Just use your discretion. Past rewards will help to motivate future task completion. Never fail to remind them of past successes

6.       Engage them in a lot of physical exercises.

7.       Introduce games like;

a.       Egg on a spoon race. (In this game, children run a race while holding an egg with a spoon. If the egg falls they are to pick it up and return to the start line to start all over again. The first child to get to the finish line with his egg still intact is the winner)

b.      Cup stacking game. (In this game, the children are asked to stack a set of cups one on another. If the cups fall, they are to start all over again)

c.       Tug of war game. (In this game, children are divided into two teams and each team lines up behind the team leader. The leader of each team holds on to one end of a rope while the members of the teams form a human chain behind their team leader pulling him to themselves while he pulls the rope to himself. The first team to pull the other team over to their side wins the game.)

d.      Jigsaw puzzles. ( Difficulty level should be age appropriate)

8.       Avoid condemning their mistakes and failures use it as a teaching/learning tool. Help them identify the reasons why they failed in the first place and also let them know that failing doesn’t mean that they are failures.

9.       Never compare them with someone else who is doing better, and encourage them also to desist from negative self-talk like “I can’t, I am not good/smart enough to accomplish this, and this is too difficult for me”. Encourage them to develop positive affirmations about themselves.

10.   Focus more on their process rather than on their results. If for instance a child runs a race and fell along the way and got up again and continued running and then finished 3rd place. Rather than talk about how he would have taken the first position if he had not fallen, praise him heavily for not staying down when he fell, for persevering and continuing with the race.

11.   Also encourage them to put all the other executive functioning skills into practice as it will increase their chances of success, and remember that success is a great motivator.

In our world today, we have a lot of would-have-been inventors who end up as mediocre, we have a lot of dreams and aspirations that ended up as mere wishes, all because the human vessels that were supposed to birth those dreams didn’t stay on the dream long enough to bring them to light. At the very slight instance of discomfort or inconvenience they give up and jump ship. They forget that nothing worth having comes easy.

At a time like this more than ever, we need our children to develop the goal-oriented perseverance which empowers and enables them to stay focused on a task or goal and push for its actualization even when it gets tough. As it has been proven, these skills can be learned, if only parents get intentional enough and do the work.

Did you gain value, I’ll love for you to drop a comment, suggestion, or question and I will be happy to respond. Don’t forget to read our post on executive functioning skills, to know more about the other skills that are embedded in executive functioning.

TASK INITIATION SKILL AS AN EXECUTIVE FUNCTIONING SKILL- The Greatest Enemy of Procrastination.

 

TASK INITIATION SKILL AS AN EXECUTIVE FUNCTIONING SKILL- The Greatest Enemy of Procrastination.

It’s 9.00 am and you are just leaving your daughter’s room which is in such a big mess, and you have asked her to clean up the mess and do her laundry. You are angry yet you are trying hard to remain calm. She promised to get on to it right at that instant. Fast forward to 4 hours later, the room is still in the same state, now you are furious and scream at her to get on with it. She gives you a barely audible yet lame excuse why she has not yet started and promises to get to it immediately. You have an errand to run and you step out of the house only to return by 7 pm and meet her room in the same state it was when you left. Now you are raving mad, you can’t hold it down anymore, you let your tongue loose, spewing all manner of invectives and all she could do is stare at you with a look that says, “I kept trying to get on with it but I just couldn’t go past trying to do it to actually doing it”. Does this scenario sound familiar? Dealing with kids who are always “wanting to” but never getting around to actually “doing it” can be quite frustrating.  

However, do you know that you are not alone on this boat? A lot of children and even adults also struggle with the challenge of never being able to initiate a task and it is because they lack task initiation skills.

WHAT IS TASK INITIATION SKILL?

Task Initiation skill is one of the executive functioning skills that simply refers to the capacity or ability to start a task or project, independently, promptly, effectively, and without procrastination. One of the hardest parts of achieving a goal is the onset of the execution stage. The beginning or the starting. Willing yourself to start a project/assignment or task is a significant sign that the goal will be achieved.

Getting on with doing homework promptly without being told to do so, cleaning his room without any reminders, reading in preparation for an exam, or leaving a desirable activity like watching Television to go and attend to an undesirable activity like doing the dishes without fussing is an indication that a child possesses task initiation skills. A child might be unwilling to initiate a task due to a variety of reasons such as a feeling of being overwhelmed by the task, or the fact that he is not interested in that particular activity. It could also be because he doesn’t understand how to go about carrying out the activity or because of low IQ or brain development. However, for our discussion, we are looking at task initiation from the angle of deficiency in executive functioning skills. If you want to know more about executive functioning skills read it up here

Task Initiation Skill Is Highly Important For The Following Reasons.

a.       It is essential to creativity and innovation. To create something, you must first begin. A lot of creative ideas just end up as ideas because those who conceived the ideas never moved beyond the ideation stage to the execution stage.

b.      It is vital to academic excellence. Class assignments and projects require task initiation skills to be done promptly and effectively

c.       It helps to avoid procrastination which Barbara Corcoran aptly said is the enemy of success.

d.      It helps to improve problem-solving skill

e.      It promotes productivity and general success in life

f.        It reduces friction between you and your child and helps you parent with greater ease because there is lesser yelling and nagging to get things done

g.       It boosts self-confidence and self-worth

  

Activities and Processes That Can Help Teach Children Task Initiation Skill.

a.       Teach them about task initiation skills highlighting the consequences of lack of it, promoting the gains of its prompt and efficient application, and guiding them through its acquisition and application.

b.      Create an enabling environment to help your child start tasks and initiate projects. Giving your child a picture showing how the project will look when completed or providing a step-by-step guide required to complete the project can be a great motivation to start the project. Eliminating distractions from their workspace is also a good way to go.

 

c.       Offer a reward for successful task completion. Attaching value to a task most times creates a stronger desire in the child to start and finish the task. The reward could be an outing together, a gift, a special treat, etc.

d.      Create a routine. You can write out a list of activities or the tasks that the child is expected to carry out in the order in which it is to be done, this helps to give clarity and motivation to carry out the assignments. You can also teach them to draw up this list of activities on their own.

e.      Give as much encouragement as they need and also let them know that it is human too to sometimes want to procrastinate on assignments and that it doesn’t make you a failure. Share personal stories of your struggles with task initiation and procrastination if you have any and tell them how you were able to overcome them.

f.        Encourage them to identify and work with friends and peers who provide them with the needed push to initiate a task.

g.       Also help them build emotional control as most times unwillingness to begin a task could be traced to the emotional state of the child. A child who is feeling sad, angry, or even anxious will most times avoid tasks or push them forward. So helping the child identify and deal with the trigger of the emotional stress can help to put the child in a better frame of mind to initiate his tasks.

h.      Make it fun by making tasks look like a playful competition. For instance, you can tell them that the first person to finish this assignment is the greatest champion of all time. This works well for younger children as they will quickly start the task just to clinch that “prestigious” title

i.         Stick it notes that remind them of the assignments and tasks to be completed can also help to motivate them to start

j.        Games like “Red light, Green light”, “Simon says stop” etc. can help too.

I recently encountered someone who said that she is a “starter” (someone who finds it easy to start up a project) and that she would love to connect with “finishers” (those who see the project through to the end) to execute a project she was working on at the time and it got me thinking. Why choose to be either a “starter” or a “finisher” when you can be both a starter and a finisher? As parents, we must be an advantage to our children, and the only way we can be that is to ensure that we equip our children with all the life skills that they need to thrive in life. Empower your child to be an amazing task initiator who is never bogged down by any form of distraction.

Did you get any value, please drop a comment, a suggestion, or a question, I would love to hear from you.